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I’m convinced that wading through knee deep mud while carrying buckets of water must be having some sort of positive effect on my legs and backside?! To this end (no pun intended) I’m thinking of bringing out my own fitness dvd.  It’ll mainly show me doing the chores here at Swallowtail Hill Farm in my glamorous farm-wear and wellies.

I’m going to include some cardio exercises involving pushing a laden wheelbarrow up and down hills, some stacking hay bales challenges and some jumping over farm hurdles moves to hone balancing skills.  There will also be a free weights segment which will involve the ability to turn an 80kg sheep on its back in one swift action.  The advanced session will involve chasing (or being chased by) goats around a field at top speed.  The cool-down will feature a series of careful stretches (patented by me) which I devised as a consequence of being stuck on a fence when my trousers caught on some wire in an awkward place.

The rise in military style boot-camp classes hasn’t escaped my notice.  I reckon there must be a gap in the market for farm-fitness?  Obviously I’ll need to bring out a range of clothing to accompany this. I figure my waterproof trousers are an obvious must have – with a choice of design options – chickenpoo/dogdribble/mud/extramud.  Baling twine hair accessories are also bound to be popular. Monogrammed pototo sacks to keep you wellies in will be de rigueur also.

You’ll be able to do this in the comfort of your own back garden, but I’ll be able to supply trailer-loads of mud at a discount price for those who want to achieve the most authentic experience.

Any takers?  Don’t all rush at once….

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